Ugh I am tired today, didnt sleep well last night. I sat up and thought about food, I didnt eat any, but thought about it. Thought about how I had allowed food to dictate my life. I find myself scouring the cabinets and frige like a small child sneaking forbidden goodies. As a child my mom would say mean things to me about my weight, I know I was the largest in my family no matter how active I was. I always checked out fine at the Drs and to this day (knock on wood) I have no health problems. I woke up and had no energy to climb out of bed, didnt feed the kids until close to 10am. I feel like a horrid mother, I know I need to do better, I tell myself to do better, but I cannot force myself to. I know I am not teaching my kids the right way to do things by being fat and lazy. Today I am going for a good long walk, at my own pace, but I am going. I need to be out in the cold fresh air.